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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26691208">(i always knew) it's always you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/zambonied/pseuds/zambonied'>zambonied</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>like a beam of light, like a hook of the right [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Check Please! (Webcomic)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(from dex's family and andover kids), (later on), 5+1 Things, Canon Compliant, Established Relationship, First Kiss, Getting Together, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Marriage Proposal, for all we know, ghost hunting as a date, implied Holsom, ransom gets to make a spreadsheet, shardo if you squint, zombie apocalypse as the new roaches vs person debate</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 04:28:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>15,466</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26691208</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/zambonied/pseuds/zambonied</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times Nursey chooses Dex. One time Dex chooses Nursey.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Derek "Nursey" Nurse/William "Dex" Poindexter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>like a beam of light, like a hook of the right [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2100060</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>220</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>(i always knew) it's always you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>what can i say i listened to music once and then i was like. hey that's a tender line! imagine dex and nursey! and then i went through the extra content and my fate was pretty much sealed. thought i'd write, like, 6k at most tho.... oops</p><p>see the end notes for trigger warnings re the homophobia! be safe!</p><p>title from i always knew by the vaccines</p><p>shoutout to <a href="https://helenspiralgf.tumblr.com/">evan</a> who is the best human rubber duck anyone could ask for. thanks for letting me rant about my Concept Ideas in your twitter dms &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> i. freshman year, fall semester 2014 </em>
</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex isn’t really all that into parties, or Kegsters as they call them here at Samwell. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>Not that he went to all that many back in high school—being the lanky ginger kid with the hand-me-downs and absolutely zero social skills doesn’t actually get you a lot of invites, it turns out—save for the ones his old teammates used to throw and invite him to because they were, well, teammates and the invitations were always passed onto the entire dressing room.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>He doesn’t need to go to some rich kid’s house to drink cheap beer, make out with some girl with a thing for hockey players while he definitely doesn’t wonder what it’d be like if she was James from his Astronomy class, and listen to all the stage whispers about his hair and ears and freckles.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>But college is supposed to be different and Kegsters are great for team bonding, Dex can recognize that. He hasn’t quite learned how to say no to Chowder yet either. Some part of him thinks he never will.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>And <em> maybe  </em>Dex finds it very entertaining to watch Nursey make an ass of himself—falling off tables he’s danced on, getting absolutely destroyed at flip cup by Lardo, and spilling his drinks on someone who isn’t Dex for once.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>So Dex goes to any Kegster his homework allows him and simply avoids the dance floor, doesn’t linger at the drinks table, and sticks to Chowder.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Now, though, Chowder shouts something at him over the thumping of the music that he doesn’t quite catch and points over his shoulder at his girlfriend, so Dex just nods and, with a sigh, resigns himself to being on his own for a while. He retreats to the back of the living room while Chowder leads Farmer out. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>He claims a spot against the wall, a cup of Shitty’s weird tub juice—it tastes a little like future regret and a lot like cheap alcohol and artificial fruit, but it makes his head spin pleasantly, so Dex sucks it up—in his hand.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>The wall actually puts him in a prime spot to watch Nursey as he cheers for the beer pong match between Ransom and Holster and two guys Dex thinks might be on the football team. Every time Ransom or Holster sinks the ball into one of the guys’ cups, Nursey whoops loudly, throws his hands up, and spills a little more out of his solo cup on whoever is stupid enough to stand close to him. Dex only has half a mind to feel bad for them.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Ransom hits the last cup of their opponents and every member of the hockey team that’s somewhere in the vicinity swarms toward them to celebrate their win with shoulder pats, hugs, and, frankly, a lot of yelling that almost drowns out the music. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>Even Dex pushes off the wall to give both of them a congratulatory high five, careful to stay out of Nursey’s spill radius.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Shitty turns to Nursey then and throws an arm around his shoulders, a little awkwardly with their height difference, with Ollie—or maybe Wicky, Dex isn’t entirely sure—in tow. “Nursey, my little brah, will you do me the honor of this next game of beer pong?”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey grins and, despite the ever-present chill that infuriates Dex to hell and back, he looks good. Like, objectively. Anyone who has ever looked at Nursey would have to agree. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>Thinking of Nursey as good-looking is a completely normal response to seeing him in the low light of the Haus, shirt rumpled from dancing on the coffee table earlier, eyes shining brighter than Dex has ever seen them off the ice, and an easy grin on his lips that reveals a flash of straight white teeth. It kind of looks like Nursey cares about something for once and it looks good on him. Objectively.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>That doesn’t mean anything.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>And if there’s something about the way Dex’s heart speeds up a little when Matt from his Calculus class talks to him about their homework, or his stomach swoops when he catches some guy in the dining hall checking him out, or images of a football player’s abs follow him into his bed and sometimes into his dreams, well, Dex doesn’t dwell on it. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>None of that means anything. It <em>can’t </em>mean anything. He can’t bring a guy home to his family, not to his dad. He can’t<em> be</em>— </p><p><br/>
</p><p>A hand clasps his shoulder and rips him out of his thoughts. The music—some song from when he was in middle school that’s most likely Holster’s fault —shifts back into focus and he realizes Nursey and Shitty are still standing in front of him with expectant expressions on their faces. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey has his arms crossed over his chest, his shirt pulling tightly over his shoulders. Dex doesn’t dwell on it.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Sorry, what?” he asks as his cheeks start to burn.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey raises an eyebrow. “I asked if you wanted to be my pong partner to crush Shits and Wicks?”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>And, well. That really isn’t what Dex expected to hear from Nursey.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Sure, they can go ten minutes without screaming at each other when they team up to chirp Chowder now, but whatever friendliness is growing between them is fragile. Nursey is still so fucking irritating most of the time—Dex doesn’t understand how nothing at all can bother him and, ironically enough, it’s driving <em> him  </em>mad—and whenever Nursey decides to push Dex’s buttons, all of Dex’s resolve to not engage gets thrown out the window.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>In the corner, Dex spots Lardo, looking at them—or rather at Shitty, if Dex has learned anything in his few months on the team—and talking to Bitty next to her. Nothing that would prevent her from playing with Nursey if he asked, and really, it’s only in Nursey’s best interest that he gets Lardo on his team. She’s the reigning beer pong <em> and  </em>flip cup champion that no one seems to be able to dethrone, no matter how hard people try.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Briefly, Dex wonders if her crush on Shitty comes with any reservations about playing against him, but he quickly decides that it probably doesn’t. Dex has experienced her ruthlessness firsthand more times than he wants to count.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>And yet Nursey asked him.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>They <em> are  </em>getting better, though, that’s undeniable. So Dex assumes this is Nursey extending an olive branch of some kind, a chance to take their personal progress a step further without Chowder as a mediator between them. And really, it’s not like all that much can go wrong during a beer pong game. Right?</p><p><br/>
</p><p>So Dex accepts.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Chill,” Nursey says and throws him one of his easy grins. Dex makes sure Nursey sees him roll his eyes in response.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Shitty and Wicky let them go first—something about their flow being superior that doesn’t really make sense to Dex—and Dex allows Nursey the first shot, an olive branch of his own, kind of. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey aims a few times, long enough for Dex to click his tongue in impatience. He’s about to tell him to hurry the fuck up when Nursey lets go of the ball but instead of hitting one of the cups, it gets caught in the little net in the middle and rolls back toward them. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Jesus, Nurse, throw it higher,” Dex complains loudly as he lines up his own shot.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>He sinks it into one of the cups in the back row closest to Shitty. It’s not quite what he was aiming for, but he’ll take it. Better than Nursey, anyway, and that’s all that really matters to him. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>Both Shitty and Wicky sink their respective shots and high five without looking at each other as Dex and Nursey empty the cups.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Surprisingly, Nursey actually listens to Dex and aims higher for his next shot. But of course he aims way too high and the ball hits Shitty square in the chest instead.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Don’t throw it <em> that  </em> high, you asshole,” Dex bites out as annoyance flares in his chest again. He turns around to glare at Nursey and finds him looking right back with an eyebrow raised and arms crossed in a silent challenge. Dex just  <em> knows  </em>he did that on purpose. He huffs.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex’s next shot misses, the embarrassment burning bright on his cheeks. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Nursey drop his arms again though. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>As the match goes on, the crowd around the table grows by the downed cup and there are actually quite a few people cheering for him and Nursey.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex has to admit that Nursey isn’t all that bad. He sinks most of his shots, including a trickshot or two that Dex isn’t sure are entirely intentional, and the crowd goes wild for him. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>When both teams are down to their last two cups, it’s Nursey’s turn again. He pokes his tongue out as he aims, throws, and hits one of them. Dex allows him a high five and doesn’t even find it in himself to regret it when he realizes that Nursey’s palm is weirdly sticky. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>His own shot misses, just barely. The ball bounces off the rim of the last cup and Wicky catches it before it can roll off the side of the table. Dex swears under his breath and hears Chowder yell in disappointment somewhere to his left. Next to him, Nursey hardly reacts, only a small one-shouldered shrug, and Dex is right back to being annoyed by his <em>chill</em>. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>Wicky uses Dex’s ball and sinks it into one of their remaining cups. Dex sighs and downs the beer to the crowd’s deafening chant of <em>chug, chug, chug</em>. There’s definitely some kind of irony in this somewhere. Nursey would probably be able to find it if he were sober.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>There’s still hope, Dex convinces himself as he wipes beer off his upper lip with the back of his sleeve, that Shitty misses and they get another shot.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>His hopes are crushed mercilessly a second later when Shitty’s ball neatly lands in their last cup, floating and mocking Dex. Nursey empties it, then he turns around and clasps Dex’s shoulder. Dex doesn’t dwell on the fact that the touch makes his stomach twist in a way that’s definitely not annoyed.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Good game, Poindexter,” Nursey grins easily and Dex does <em> not  </em>let his eyes follow the streak of beer trailing down from the corner of Nursey’s mouth to his chin. Dex nods once and quickly turns around to leave for the drinks table to look for something stronger than cheap beer.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>A few steps away, he faintly hears Nursey suggest, “We should totes do this with tub juice next time, Shits.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex rolls his eyes and really hopes they don’t, for Nursey’s sake.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>  ii. sophomore year, fall semester 2015 </em>
</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex’s day isn’t going great. In fact, it’s a real shitshow.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>He almost overslept after he’d studied through a haze of coffee and energy drinks for his Intro to Biology test until four in the morning and just barely managed to grab his backpack as he hurried out of his dorm and to the lecture hall at the other side of campus.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Once he’d handed everything in and made it out of the building, it started to pour down so hard he could hardly hear himself think and <em> of course </em> his umbrella wasn’t in its usual spot in his bag, leaving him to walk back to his dorm with only the hood of his jacket as flimsy cover.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>He’s never been as glad to have the rest of his classes canceled as he is today. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>When he finally arrives in his room, clothes plastered to his cold skin and dripping all over the godawful carpet, he’s more than ready to crawl into bed again and go back to sleep. He drops his bag by his desk, peels his clothes off and throws them over his chair to dry and runs a towel through his hair that he just dumps on top. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>He digs out the pair of joggers with the good elastic band at the ankles, his softest team sweater, and fuzzy socks he’s forever going to deny owning from the bottom of his dresser and puts them on. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>The moment he’s underneath his comforter, he slips on the sweater’s hood and pulls the strings as tight as he can. With a sigh of relief, his eyes fall shut. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>He’s almost asleep when his phone buzzes next to him.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>As he forces his eyes open, the cracked screen lights up with messages in his family’s group chat. He sits up and unlocks his phone, a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. Maybe updates from home or silly pictures of their dog are exactly what he needs right now to turn this day around.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>When he opens the messages, though, his smile shatters and his blood freezes.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>It’s his dad, talking about how the guy—Dex isn’t even sure what his name is, Nick or Rick or something; his dad only refers to him as <em>the new guy</em> on his good days—he hired to help out in his garage now that both Dex and his brother aren’t home anymore supposedly looked at a male customer the wrong way for a little too long. His dad wants to fire him, <em>because think of all the kids around, we can’t support that here</em>.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex feels like he’s back home, hearing the mockery and disgust in his dad’s voice as he throws around all the slurs Dex has to quietly swallow even though they feel like barbed wire cutting open his throat on the way down, as his brother’s sharp laughter cuts him like a knife and his mom’s silence chokes him.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex’s heart turns to lead, his eyes start to prickle, and his mouth tastes like blood again when he sees his dad’s last message addressed to him. </p><p><br/>
</p><p><em> Junior, watch out for those damn f— </em> </p><p><br/>
</p><p>His vision gets too blurry and a few tears start to roll down his cheek before he can see the end of the text. Not that he really needs to. He knows exactly what it says, he’s heard some variation of it countless times since he announced that he’d be attending Samwell at family dinner a year and a half ago.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>The thing is, Dex is gay. He knows that.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>The vague idea that something was <em> different  </em>had been stuffed all the way in the back of his head at least since junior year of high school when his thoughts just wouldn’t stay on his girlfriend Jessica but instead tended to drift to Thomas, the smart and well-spoken new kid from his English class.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>It wasn’t that he didn’t try. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>He tried, desperately almost, to keep his thoughts on the family-approved straight path, to not dwell on boys, to be the son his father expected him to be. More like his older brother.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>For a while, denial became nearly second nature to him. It turned into an almost-comfortable cloak that made sure the rough praise from his dad and brother kept coming.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex knew, deep down, that it would only get him so far.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>It all came crashing down on him the day after the last Kegster of their hockey season back in April.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>He was drunker than at any of the other Kegsters before—a futile attempt to drown their loss at the Frozen Four and the slur-ridden call from home that followed in any tequila or vodka shots he could get his hands on—and a handsome guy hit on him. Dex threw any reason he’d clung to before out the window and ended up making out with him in a dark corner of the Haus living room.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>At the time, Dex thought he’d wake up and not recall anything past his first cup of tub juice.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>But when he actually woke up with the hangover of the century, he had to realize that he could, in fact, still remember the kisses vividly. And maybe worst of all, he still remembered how good they felt, way better than any he’s shared with girls back in Maine. He had to deal with the fact that he <em> really  </em>wanted to do it again.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>So he did the only thing he could think of. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>He puked his guts out. Then he texted Bitty.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex had proven himself worthy and essential in Bitty’s kitchen last November when he helped cook and bake for Hausgiving, so Bitty called him over to help with a couple of pies.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>After he pummeled the second pie dough halfway to death, he broke and spilled everything to Bitty. His heart was beating so fast and his blood rushing so loudly in his ears that he could hardly hear himself whisper <em>Bitty, I think I’m gay</em>.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Bitty started hugging him as tightly as he could before he even finished talking and promised any tears shed in his kitchen would stay in his kitchen, wiping at his own eyes. Dex is pretty sure he cried enough to soak completely through Bitty’s shirt, but Bitty didn’t let go.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>They didn’t get around to any more pies and Dex still isn’t sure how Bitty managed to keep everyone away for the entire three hours Dex was there, alternating between panicking and listening to Bitty talk about his own experience of growing up gay in a small town.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Before Dex ducked out of the Haus and rushed back to his dorm, he asked Bitty—embarrassingly quiet, as if he feared his brother might hear him all the way in Maine and tease him to hell and back—if he'd show him how to bake next semester and Bitty lit up. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>They still meet up to bake now, almost a year later, whenever their free time overlaps and it's easily Dex’s favorite part of his week. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>He hasn't really come out to anyone else since then. Not with his words, at least. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>He’s made out with a few guys at Kegsters and parties at the volleyball house that Chowder’s dragged them to and it’s great, really. He just can’t quite bring himself to say it out loud to other people yet. Those three words get stuck in his throat every time he tries to cough them up.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Some part of him hopes his teammates will just figure it out on their own. It’s not like he’s worried they’d turn on him or kick him off the team. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>Not really.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Only, like, a little worried.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Not as worried as he is about his family, anyway.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>It hits him again, painful like a nasty check into the boards that knocks the wind out of him for a moment, that his family’s love isn’t at all unconditional like he always thought it was, like it still is for his brother. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>He’s not sure what exactly would happen if he ever came out to his family. Maybe his father would punch him and kick him out, maybe his mother would cry, maybe his brother would look at him with loathing. Or maybe nothing would happen, maybe they’d pretend he never said anything, maybe they’d ask him to keep it between them, <em>because you know the neighbors talk</em>. Maybe— </p><p><br/>
</p><p>The daunting amount of possibilities that all seem to lack the ideal outcome of<em>  nothing changes and they still love me </em> makes Dex’s head spin.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>A knock on his door snaps him out of his spiral and he quickly wipes at his cheeks with the backs of his hands. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>His roommate wouldn't knock and he really isn't in the mood to face anyone, so he stays quiet and buries deeper into his sweater, sinking lower on his bed.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>The knock comes again but Dex still doesn't move. Maybe whoever it is will leave a note or a text for him to ignore if it’s important.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>The third time, the knocking is louder and persistent, four or five raps that almost rattle the door, and Dex sighs. He wipes his sleeve over his eyes one last time and takes a deep, steadying breath before he drags himself out of bed and to the door.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>He doesn't expect to find Nursey on the other side, holding a thick book with a Tupperware on top of it in one hand and the other raised in what seems to be the middle of yet another knock.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>"Yo, Dex," Nursey greets easily and lowers the raised hand, "Chowder asked me to drop off the textbook you lent him and then Bitty gave me fresh pie to pass along." He pushes the stack toward Dex and Dex takes it mindlessly.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>"Thanks," Dex says. His voice cracks at the end, just a little. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>“It's chi—" Nursey narrows his eyes at Dex. "Yo, dude, have you been crying?" </p><p><br/>
</p><p>Embarrassment flushes Dex’s cheeks and he feels his defenses come up in record time. He really wishes he could cross his arms right now.  "No. It’s allergies."</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey cocks his chin up. “Oh yeah? What allergies?”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Maple trees,” he says immediately, but weakly. Technically that’s not a lie, he <em> is  </em>allergic to tree pollen, especially maple. When they’re actually in season, that is.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>"Dude, don't front. It's December, the trees are dead." Nursey shoots him an incredulous look, then his eyes soften and he frowns. "Are you okay?"</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex really wants to keep denying it, but he's tired and his eyes feel uncomfortably puffy, so he gives in. He lets his shoulders drop, sniffles, and admits, "Not really."</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey nods once and pushes past Dex into the room without another word. He plops down on Dex’s desk chair and Dex is kind of surprised that he doesn’t accidentally lean back against his wet clothes. That seems like something the Nursey he’s used to would do. "What's up?"</p><p><br/>
</p><p>For a moment, Dex just looks at him in disbelief. This isn’t something they do for each other, not really. Sure, if Chowder is upset, both of them do their best to cheer him up together, but they’ve never dared to cross that line with each other before. Dex resents the idea of being vulnerable in front of people that aren’t Bitty—and even he’s on thin ice—and Nursey’s way too chill to ever let anything affect him enough.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>This isn’t something they do for each other, but maybe it could be.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex sighs, closes the door, and follows him back in. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>As he drops the textbook and pie on his desk, Nursey slips out of his shoes and Dex realizes that these are his good shoes—white sneakers that are actually still impressively clean with no scuffs or scratches. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex lets his eyes trail from Nursey’s feet up his body and he notices that Nursey’s wearing a pair of light wash jeans with fairly big holes at the knees—the pair that Nursey calls <em> tastefully ripped, just like me, </em> but Dex thinks they’re the most hipster thing he owns and he kind of hates how good Nursey looks in them—and a white shirt that’s just a little too tight on his shoulders. Nursey’s favorite bomber jacket lies on top of Dex’s homework on the other end of his desk.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex briefly wonders when he started being able to tell which of his clothes Nursey considers to be the good ones or even his favorites. He decides to not dwell on it for now.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>"Why're you so dressed up?" he asks instead as he sits down on his bed, crossing his legs.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey looks down at himself as if he’s forgotten what he’s wearing. Dex bites the inside of his cheek. "Oh, some friends wanted to go out.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>"Well, you should probably go then. Wouldn't want your preppy English major friends to wait.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey lifts one shoulder in a casual shrug. "It's chill, they'll live," he says, then pulls one of his legs up, shoves his foot under his knee, and rests his hands in his lap. "Now, what's your deal?"</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex scoffs and finally crosses his arms. "You wouldn't get it." </p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey raises an eyebrow. "And why's that?"</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex huffs, looks away, and pointedly ignores the way his hands start to shake and his heart pounds like he just sprinted to Lake Quad and back. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>He’s done this before and he can do this again. Hell, he’ll have no choice but to do this again over and over again in his life. And this is Nursey, his friend. Nursey, who came out himself almost a year ago like it was nothing. Still, saying those two words out loud to someone he has to see every day for the next three years scares the absolute shit out of him.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>He shoves his shaking hands under his thighs, looks Nursey in the eyes, and breathes in deeply. He can do this. It’ll be fine. This is only Nursey. “You wouldn’t get it because your moms would never hate you or kick you out for who… for who you <em>like</em>.” Dex swallows. “For being gay,” he finishes quietly, just barely above a whisper.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey’s perfect eyebrows shoot up, his eyes widen a little, and his lips part for a short moment. Then he pushes everything back into his usual smooth and nonchalant expression that drives Dex insane on a bad day. Now it’s kind of calming and reassuring, though, seeing that Nursey is so clearly fine with it, with him. Dex feels stupid for thinking there was ever a chance he wouldn’t be.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>It gives him the courage to keep going. “There’s this new guy working with my dad and my family… they think he’s, you know, gay. But they didn’t <em> say  </em>it like that. Called him a fag and disgusting and shit.” Nursey’s expression shifts toward pained and that pulls on Dex’s heartstrings too. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Dex—”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“I already had a shit day and then it fucking hit me that they’ll never really love me,” he barrels on, feeling the corners of his eyes start to prickle again, “Not all of me. I can never bring home anyone, not like my brother can, and it fucking sucks, Nurse. The thought that they might look at me and feel disgusted, at the very least, hurts so much.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey doesn’t reply for a moment, then he sighs and offers, “That sucks, man.” Dex lets out a weak laugh, because, yeah, it really <em> fucking  </em>does. “I do get it, though. Kind of.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Oh yeah?”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Yeah, of course,” Nursey nods and shifts in the chair, almost folding in on himself. “You’re right that my moms would never say shit like that and neither would my dad, but I was the only black gay kid at a mostly white private school, y’know?” He starts to pick at the tears in his jeans. “The only out one at least.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex stays quiet, just watches Nursey. He looks decidedly unchill and this feels big.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“I made friends pretty quickly when I got to Andover for freshman year. Shitty was my first friend, actually. I even had a boyfriend from sophomore year halfway through junior year.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>As far as Dex is aware, Nursey has never willingly talked about his time at Andover before to anyone on the team. Whenever it was brought up, Nursey quickly waved it off and changed the topic. It feels so fragile now, like if Dex says the wrong thing, Nursey will draw back and this moment will be over. For a reason he’s not going to dwell on, he enjoys seeing Nursey like this, just wearing his heart on his sleeve.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“A boyfriend?” Dex asks carefully.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey smiles a little and Dex’s breath catches. Soft smiles suit Nursey, he decides, then shakes that thought away. “Yeah, his name was Wes and we met in Chemistry. He had a cool scar on his arm and asked me out after I passed the test we were studying for together.” </p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex isn’t sure why his thoughts briefly jump to the scar on the back of his forearm that looks like a hockey stick if you squint.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Bet you were failing Chemistry and he saved your ass,” Dex jokes, smiling at Nursey.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Fuck you, no, I wasn’t failing,” Nursey defends with a laugh, “but I wasn’t getting an A either.” He starts picking at his pants again. “Anyway. I actually had a sizable circle of friends by the time sophomore year ended. They were good people, y’know? Or that’s what I thought.” Nursey lets out a humorless laugh, eyes trained on his exposed knees.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex swallows.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Before we left for summer break, Wes and I kissed goodbye behind the bleachers. Very cliché, I know,” Nursey shrugs. “But some older kids saw us and took pictures.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Oh, fuck,” Dex breathes.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Yeah,” Nursey agrees, “When I got back to Andover after break, most of my friends just stopped talking to me. They wouldn’t reply to my texts and avoided me at school, but I didn’t know why until one of the people who still talked to me sent me a screenshot of the pictures and people making fun of them. Of me.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex’s heart aches and he shifts on his bed.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“I got called racial slurs in the hallway all the time before and that hurt so much, but then they added all the homophobic ones they could think of. Even people I thought were my friends said them, like they were just waiting for this the whole time.” Now it’s Nursey’s voice that cracks. “After the third or so breakdown, I realized that for every reaction they got, they’d call me more slurs to rile me up and get under my skin, so I stopped letting them, y’know? I started being <em>chill</em>.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“You’ve never mentioned any of this,” Dex says as everything starts to sink in. In the past year, after an intervention from Shitty and Nursey and Chowder, Dex has been educating himself on privilege and racism and feels extra terrible for assuming that Nursey’s only been so chill because he’s never had a care in the world, always able to fall back on his cushion of money. Like his money prevents him from experiencing bigotry.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“I don’t like thinking about it, for obvious reasons. Samwell’s different, it’s way better.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex just looks at him for a moment. Then he says, forcefully, "Fuck them."</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey gives him a small smile and props up his foot on the edge of the bed. “Fuck your family too. They’re missing out. No matter what happens, the team's always gonna have your back, bro. <em> I'll  </em>always have your back.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex is starting to believe it. This time last year he thought he wouldn’t fit in here at Samwell, with the team, but now he’s sitting in his room being vulnerable with Nursey, and learning cooking and baking from Bitty, and humming along to Holster’s impromptu performances. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>He smiles faintly to himself as Nursey gets up off the chair and opens his arms. "C'mere, Poindexter."</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex slides off his bed and before he knows it, he's wrapped up in Nursey’s strong arms and suddenly it clicks. <em> This  </em>is exactly what he needs right now. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>He's only a little embarrassed about the way he melts into Nursey. Nursey gives fucking phenomenal hugs, it turns out, and he smells really nice too. Dex wraps his arms around Nursey's waist, hooking his chin on his shoulder. "I also bombed a test today," Dex mutters into Nursey’s neck.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey laughs and Dex feels it in his own chest, a smile settling on his lips again. With a sigh Nursey squeezes Dex one last time and pulls away. "So, wanna watch a movie and order takeout? I won’t tell Jack, I swear."</p><p><br/>
</p><p>"Are you sure it's fine that you hang out here instead of going out with your… other friends tonight?" </p><p><br/>
</p><p>"It’s chill, one of the guys was a douche anyway," Nursey grins.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex keeps his comment to himself as he grabs his laptop from under Nursey’s jacket. “How about Pacific Rim then? And pizza?"</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey flings himself onto Dex's bed and scoots over to the wall, already typing away on his phone. "Hell yeah. What toppings do you want?"</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Later, when the movie introduces drift compatibility, Dex turns to Nursey and says, with a small voice, “Thanks, man.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex’s twin bed forces their shoulders to be pressed together, so Nursey just leans against Dex a little heavier for a moment and smiles softly. “Anytime, bro.”</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em> iii. junior year, fall semester 2016 </em>
</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex loves the upperclassmen. And he especially loves it when they come down to visit the Haus.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Not only because a Kegster is always trailing behind—Kegsters have really grown on Dex over the past years and Nursey’s actually doing a really good job at planning them, now that Ransom and Holster have graduated—but it’s also great when they’re all piled into the Haus kitchen together. It almost feels like they never left when Dex listens to everyone’s chaotic post-college stories that temporarily soothe his own anxiety about the future.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Shitty, Lardo, and Chowder are loading up their plates with two slices of pie each and Bitty doesn’t comment, sitting comfortably on Jack’s lap and leaning back against his chest as Jack whispers something in his ear that makes Bitty laugh, and Dex can’t help but smile at the easy and open way they are around each other at the Haus. Everyone pretends to not see them stealing kisses when they think no one’s paying attention and the chirps about Bitty’s lovesick expression after a Skype call are kept to a reasonable amount. Most days, anyway.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex is glad to see them that happy. They both deserve it more than anything, and it makes him think that maybe there’s hope for him too, one day.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Next to him, Holster clears his throat and everyone stops what they’re doing to give him their undivided attention. Dex is kind of impressed with how he commands a room like that. Probably the captaincy. Or his size.“Gentlemen and gentlewoman;” he starts.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“We need your opinions to settle a debate Holtzy and I had last night,” Ransom finishes from Holster’s other side, most definitely making a spreadsheet on the laptop on the table in front of him. Dex is glad to see that some things never change.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“No bedroom stories,” Lardo says firmly and Jack chuckles nervously.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Holster carries on undeterred, though. “In the event of a zombie apocalypse, who’d you think would survive? Out of all of us?”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Jack is the first to speak, without missing a beat. “Bittle. He’s quick.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Yeah, and you're biased,” Lardo complains and rolls her eyes.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“As if you weren’t gonna pick Shitty,” Dex shoots back.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Lardo laughs. “Hell no. Shits wouldn’t make it,” she says and pats Shitty’s hand as he nods sagely. “And while I have faith in my own abilities, my vote goes to Jack.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Fuck, you’re right. All that glorious hockey butt's <em> gotta  </em>be good for something,” Shitty agrees and looks like he’s just had the biggest epiphany of his life. Dex isn’t sure he wants to know what he’s imagining.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Oh, it’s definitely good for <em>something</em>,” Bitty says and when everyone’s heads snap around to him, his cheeks turn a red that Dex is all too familiar with. “What?” he mutters as he sinks a little lower on Jack’s lap.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex swears everyone blinks in unison a couple of times before the kitchen breaks out in a chorus of <em>get it, Bits</em>.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“I’ll go with Jack too,” Chowder says once the noise has died down again, then he immediately raises his hands. “Not because of your butt, though! I mean, it’s a great butt! I just think that you’re hella accurate and strong when you’re shooting the puck, so that’s got to count for something when it comes to killing zombies!”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Jack smiles at him as Dex pats his back.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“I have to say Bitty, though,” Dex offers. “Sure, Jack’s strong and all, but Bitty’s fast and small. I think that’s way more useful in, like, a situation of running away or hiding, you know? Brute force isn’t always the best option.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Ransom types furiously, a crease between his brows. “I kinda wanna change my answer to Bitty now. I mean, he also makes killer pies. Sorry, Holtzy."</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Holster looks betrayed for a moment before he crosses his arms and says, “I’m sticking with Johnson. He was always so weird, I bet he’d find, like, a plot hole or whatever he used to say and survive everything. Pretty sure I’ve heard him say he’s technically immortal once.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Wait, how are the points now?” Chowder asks.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>When Ransom opens his mouth to speak, the front door slams shut and judging by the footsteps that follow, Dex knows it’s Nursey before he rounds the corner.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Sup, guys,” Nursey greets as he strolls into the kitchen. “Oh, chill, there’s pie.” He casually grabs Dex’s plate with his half-eaten slice of rhubarb pie on it on his way past to lean against the counter opposite of the table.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Hey! I was eating that!” Dex protests, but Nursey just grins at him and shoves Dex’s fork into his mouth without looking away from him. The fork that was in Dex’s mouth not twenty minutes ago. Dex’s whole face heats up and he feels like he’s fucking thirteen again.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Because <em> that’s  </em>a thing now. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>Somewhere along the way, Dex caught feelings for one of his best friends, for <em> Nursey  </em>of all people. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>No matter how many times he makes out or even goes home with a guy at a Kegster, his feelings just won’t budge.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>He’ll have someone’s tongue down his throat and still wonder what it would be like to kiss Nursey instead. Or he’ll be in an unfamiliar dorm room and wonder what it would feel like if the hands trailing down his chest were Nursey’s.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Sometimes he passes by a book he’s seen Nursey read and thinks about how well-loved Nursey’s copy is, cracked spine and notes in the margins. When he’s taping up his stick, he always does Nursey’s too because he knows Nursey hates doing it himself. Nursey’s tape job is also horrible, but that’s beside the point, really.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex even got a look from Bitty that oozed sympathy when he told him about his revelation. A revelation that hit him like a ton of bricks once he moved into the basement—only that he felt the bricks stack up gradually long before, he’d just chosen not to dwell on it until he started missing Nursey’s presence and struggled to fall asleep without his quiet snoring from above.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Ah, Nursey, just the bro we wanted to see,” Ransom says and dumps Dex back into the moment. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>“You’re the tiebreaker,” Holster continues.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“What for?” Nursey asks around a mouthful of pie and Dex doesn’t stare at the crumbs on the corner of his mouth, doesn’t think about wiping them away with his thumb.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Out of the corner of his eye, Dex sees Ransom and Holster shift in their chairs in unison. “Which one of us do you think would survive a zombie apocalypse?” Holster asks.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Ransom leans forward. “It’s between—”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Dex, no doubt,” Nursey interrupts immediately and sets the plate down on the counter next to him. “He’s handy as fuck, so he could probably, like, build a sick barricade or shelter or something and fix up a car. He grew up in the middle of nowhere, Maine, so I bet he can build a fire. He’d be innovative in terms of weapons too, I’m sure.” Nursey counts his arguments off on his fingers and Dex’s entire face burns.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex catches Bitty’s gaze across the table and sees him waggling his eyebrows. He really, truly wishes the floor would open up, swallow him, and kindly spit him back out in his room, so he can lock himself in there until his face is in the vicinity of normal again and his heartbeat doesn’t feel like he’s about to go into cardiac arrest.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Ransom turns back to his spreadsheet and starts typing as Holster says, slowly, “Bro, it’s tied between Bitty and Jack. Like, Dex wasn’t even on the table.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey just shrugs and gets back to the pie like he didn’t just almost send Dex into an early grave. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex clears his throat. “What makes you think I’d hole up with <em>you</em>?” He tries for teasing, but something tells him the splotchy blush he knows is there on his cheeks makes him miss by a mile. “What are your survival skills? Gonna read sonnets or whatever to the zombies?”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“You know what a sonnet is, Poindexter?” Nursey asks and grins at him again, setting the empty plate back down in front of Dex.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Fuck off, Nurse,” Dex throws back but his fond smile takes out all the heat.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>  iv. junior year, spring semester 2017 </em>
</p><p><br/>
</p><p>It’s not surprising that there’s a Kegster after the banquet.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>What’s surprising is that Dex is attending said Kegster as the new captain of the Samwell Men’s Hockey team. Well, surprising to him at least.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>He still can’t quite believe it, despite the award with his name etched into the glass that he safely deposited on his desk in the basement and all the people coming up to him to congratulate him with firm slaps on the back, bone crushing hugs, and the occasional fist-bump. He still can’t quite wrap his head around the fact that his team, that <em>Nursey </em>voted for him.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Sitting on the couch in the living room, nursing only his second beer of the night, he listens to Tango and Chowder reminisce over the spectacular season they’ve had. Dex smiles at their excitement, laughs along with Chowder’s funny comments and Tango’s confusion, and interjects with his own snarky remarks when it’s appropriate. He loves those guys and it’s fun, it’s great. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>Until he spots Nursey’s back—he can recognize him anywhere and it’s a real problem—in the doorway to the kitchen. Although he can’t see Nursey’s face, the guy he’s talking to is directly in Dex’s line of sight and it’s obvious that he’s flirting with Nursey. Smirks, winks, arm on the doorway next to Nursey’s head and everything. The whole nine yards of flirting.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>A spark of jealousy that Dex isn’t particularly proud of takes hold of his good mood and drags it down to the pit of his stomach.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>It’s not that Dex hasn’t tried to get over Nursey. In fact, at most Kegsters he ends up making out with a guy and sometimes they take it to the upstairs bathroom or the other guy’s dorm. He’s even sure he could easily wheel someone tonight, but it seems that nothing’s able to scrape his feelings for Nursey out his throat, from the tip of his tongue.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>He sets his unfinished beer bottle down on the coffee table and says, “I’m gonna get some fresh air.” He flashes Chowder a smile when he catches his concerned look and pats his knee once before he gets up and hurries out of the living room, snaking his way through the crowd out to the front porch. He keeps his eyes trained ahead and doesn’t look at Nursey or the guy as he rushes past.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>The night air feels nice and cool on his sweaty skin and the porch is surprisingly empty, save for a couple making out by the tree. Dex supposes they won’t mind if he wallows in self-pity for a while, so he drops to the top step and puts his face in his hands.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>It’s almost pathetic, Dex thinks, that he’s sitting out here because he saw his crush flirt with someone else. It’s almost his last end-of-year Kegster and here he is, moping on the Haus steps.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>The Haus whose keys he’s going to get from Bitty in a couple of days, the Haus that will be his responsibility as captain in just three short months.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>God, he’s going to be <em>captain</em>. He’s going to be a senior in just a few months and then he’s going to <em>graduate</em>.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>
  <em> Fuck. </em>
</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Everyone’s eyes will be on him the moment preseason starts in August and any losses will be<em>  his fault  </em>and what if he can’t lead them to the Frozen Four again and—</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“There you are,” Nursey says from behind him, almost sounding relieved, and Dex startles. His head snaps around to see Nursey standing against the railing and he seems surprisingly sober. “Chowder said you practically ran away.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>When he turns his head back toward the street, he notices that the tree couple is gone. He wonders, for a second, how long he’s been sitting here, but then Nursey sinks down next to him, a little sideways with his body angled toward Dex.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Why’d you leave?”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“I don’t know,” Dex shrugs, but doesn’t look at Nursey again, doesn’t look to see if maybe Nursey’s shirt collar is rumpled or if his hair’s a mess or if there are marks on his neck. “Wasn’t feeling it, I guess. Needed some air.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“What’s wrong?” Nursey asks, his voice so awfully sincere that it almost tears Dex’s walls down, so Dex keeps quiet. Nursey waits a moment, then says, with a little more force, “Dude.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>And Dex caves. He’s become embarrassingly easy when it comes to Nursey lately. “I’ve just been thinking, like, I’m gonna be captain next year, Nurse.” Dex looks at Nursey’s eyes with all his anxiety exposed on his face. “What if I fail? What if I’m not good enough and I let everyone who’s ever been captain and everyone on the team right now down? What if I can’t lead us to the Frozen Four again?”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Bro—” Nursey starts, but Dex is on a roll, so he barrels on, eyes dropping to the steps below him.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“And then I saw you flirting with that guy in there—” Oh, <em>shit</em>. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>“What—”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“—and I know we didn’t start out as the best of friends. Or any kind of friends, really. But some part of me hoped that, y’know, after this year…”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Wait—”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex cringes internally. Maybe he can do some kind of damage control if he just keeps going. He gets up, walks down the stairs, and turns around to talk at Nursey, moving his hands but keeping his eyes firmly on the chipped paint of the Haus facade behind him. “But I get it. I know I don’t stand a chance against, like, Matt from crew or Brad from the football team.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Dex, hold up—”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“And we’re gonna be fucking seniors in, like—”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Dex, were you jealous?” Nursey’s question shuts him right up and he’s pretty sure Nursey could hear his teeth click.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex allows himself to really look at Nursey for a second and finds his face so vulnerable and open that he has to look away again. The kitchen window seems as good a spot as any to stare at. He starts fiddling with his sleeve as he mutters, “No.” </p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey laughs, a light and beautiful sound that Dex wants to bottle up. “First of all, Matt is so not my type. And Brad is, like, super weird. In a bad way.” Nursey pauses for a moment to grimace and Dex can’t stop the small smile tugging at his lips. “And I was actually just saying no to that guy in there.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Oh,” Dex breathes and frowns, “why?”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Because I like someone else,” Nursey admits. Dex dares to look back at him and finds a careful smile on his lips as he catches Dex’s eyes, and Dex thinks he’s never seen him more unchill.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex swallows. He really doesn’t want to get his hopes up, but his heart hasn’t really been listening to him all that much lately. “Oh. Uh. Who?”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey shakes his head, huffing out a laugh, as he gets up and walks down the steps toward Dex. He stops a foot away from him and steadily holds Dex’s gaze as he says, “It’s you. I like <em>you</em>, you idiot.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Oh. Wow. Dex‘s heart is hammering away in the best way possible. “Really?” </p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Really.” Nursey smiles brightly and Dex doesn’t miss how his eyes flicker down to Dex’s lips for a second as he takes the last steps toward him.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex reins in his own smile and puts his hands on Nursey’s waist, pulling him closer as Nursey cups his face, and leans in to kiss him. Nursey wastes no time kissing back, one of his hands moving to the back of Dex’s neck. His stomach swoops at the soft noise Nursey makes, like he’s a goddamn teenager. He can’t quite bite down the dopey smile on his face when Nursey pulls away.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>It’s fine, though. Nursey’s sporting a matching one.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“You’re gonna be a great captain, by the way,” Nursey says, running his thumb over Dex’s cheekbone, then he leans in to peck Dex’s lips again. “You’re fucking great on the ice and you’re all responsible and dedicated. Also, the Taddies and Waffles have, like, mad respect for you. We all trust you, that’s why we voted for you.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“You think so?”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Chill, I know so. But you’re not in this alone, Dex, we all got your back.” Nursey kisses him again, so softly Dex thinks he might melt right here. When he pulls away, Nursey drops his hand from Dex’s cheek down to and over his shoulder, the hand that’s still on Dex’s neck pushing up into his hair where he tugs lightly. Dex thinks there’s a glint in his eyes as he whispers, “Also, you’d look even hotter if you let your hair grow out a little more.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex rolls his eyes, then kisses him again, and again, and again. And Nursey keeps kissing him back eagerly, so Dex dares to move a hand into Nursey’s backpocket. Nursey hums and parts his lips for him.</p><p><br/>
</p><p> “Oh, that’s where you are.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Whiskey’s flat voice startles them apart. They don’t let go of each other, though, and Nursey doesn’t even look away from Dex.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex licks his lips and notices that the porch is considerably fuller now. He catches Whiskey’s eyes and finds something fragile he can’t quite place. <em>Huh.</em></p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Hope Nursey doesn’t get special treatment because he's banging the captain,” Whiskey deadpans, but something is different in his voice, like whatever Dex found in his eyes made its way there too. Then he turns and goes back inside.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Fuck you, Whisk,” Nursey calls after him.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Wow, uh, would you want to, like, do this again sometime?” Dex asks and he can feel his entire face burn. Real smooth.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey swoops in for another kiss, then his face splits into a grin Dex will never get tired of. “That’d be chill. Just say when and where.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“How about right now in my room?”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>He almost regrets offering when Nursey waggles his eyebrows and smirks. “Am I finally gonna see the captain’s ship?”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Don’t make me take it back,” Dex says, pecks Nursey on the lips one more time just because he can now, and lets go of Nursey so he can take his hand, lacing their fingers together before he leads him up the porch steps and through the house past what feels like half of Samwell’s student body to the basement.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Does this count as special treatment?” Nursey asks close to Dex’s ear.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“No, because you’re the only one who hasn’t been in here,” Dex says as he unlocks the basement door and starts taking the stairs down, not letting Nursey’s hand go. “Maybe later, though.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex laughs when Nursey crashes into his back a second later.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>When they’re in Dex’s room, they slip out of their shoes and Nursey takes it in. He touches the leaves of all of Dex’s plants and looks surprised each time he finds that they’re actually real. It’s like Nursey belongs right here, in Dex’s space. Like he’s the missing piece Dex has been looking for since he moved to the basement.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“What?” Nursey asks as he looks up from snooping through Dex’s bookshelf that has a copy of the book Nursey's been going on and on about the past few weeks standing in it—it's actually thin enough that Dex thinks he can get through it, so he went and got it on a whim after class a week ago, and he has to admit it's not bad. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex kisses him instead of answering. There’s going to be enough time to talk tomorrow and all the days after that. Now, he just wants to kiss Nursey and possibly never stop. Judging by the enthusiastic way Nursey kisses him back and edges him toward his bed, he seems to agree.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Yeah, Dex can work with that.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>  v. senior year, fall semester 2017 </em>
</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex usually isn't the kind of guy to take a nap. He doesn’t like wasting time he could invest in something productive like studying or keeping the Haus from falling apart or kissing Nursey senseless.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>But when he got back to his room after a particularly draining meeting with his thesis advisor earlier—Dex is incredibly grateful <em> someone  </em>added the bylaw that captains cannot be asked about their theses last year—and found Nursey already there, lounging on his bed and reading a book so thick not even an assignment could get Dex to read it, he couldn't help himself.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>He grunted out a greeting, dropped his bag unceremoniously by his desk, put his glasses in their little case, and climbed right on top of Nursey, head on his chest, legs tangled and arms thrown over the sides of his body. Nursey put his free hand in Dex's hair—he’s recently let the top grow out more and Nursey regretfully calls it the Reverse Samwell Chop—and scratched his scalp softly. Dex was out cold in seconds.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Now, though, Nursey’s voice is pulling him back.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>"Dex," he says.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex just buries his face deeper into Nursey's chest, decidedly ignoring the wet spot he feels against his cheek.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Then Nursey nudges him a little. "Dex, hey."</p><p><br/>
</p><p>With a groan that’s supposed to sound something like <em>no</em>, Dex screws his eyes shut and fists his hand in the side of Nursey’s shirt.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey pokes him in the ribs. "Babe, c'mon, wake up." </p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex sighs and, after another second, reluctantly sits up, straddling Nursey’s thighs. "'m up," he mumbles as he stretches, his shirt riding up, and when Nursey takes in a sharp breath, he smirks. He lets his arms fall back down to his sides and looks at Nursey. “What’d you want?”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>"Dex, I've been thinking—” Nursey starts, but then he wrinkles his nose and picks at his shirt near a wet spot on his chest. “Ew, you drooled on my shirt." </p><p><br/>
</p><p>"You should take it off then.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>"Oh yeah?" Nursey grins up at him with dark eyes and blindly slaps his book shut.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex leans down, resting his elbows on either side of Nursey’s head, and kisses him, slow and deep. He hums into it when Nursey kisses him back, but then he pulls away and sits up again, smirking when Nursey chases after him. "Yeah, captain's orders."</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey's eyes widen for a split second before he sits up, drops his book to the floor, and scrambles out of his shirt. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex doesn’t waste time getting his hands on Nursey, taking his time dragging them up his abs over his chest to his shoulders. He lets his eyes roam, appreciating the view in front of him. He takes in Nursey’s beautifully blown pupils, the way his muscles twitch in anticipation, the hickeys Dex left on his chest and collarbone a few days ago that are definitely going to get company later, thinks about the matching set on his own thighs and hip.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey’s hands slip under his shirt to his waist to pull him closer, a little impatiently, so Dex kisses him hard. When Nursey opens his mouth for him, Dex pulls away to trail kisses along Nursey’s jaw instead, grinning into his skin at the whine that escapes him.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>As he bites down at the spot he knows drives Nursey crazy, where his jaw meets his neck right below his ear, Nursey's hips buck up and it draws a low moan out of Dex that Nursey echoes right back at him.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex is pretty sure he's never gotten out of his clothes faster in his life.</p><p><br/>
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
</p><p>“So, as I was saying before I was so <em> rudely  </em>interrupted,” Nursey starts once he’s caught his breath again, not lifting his head off Dex’s bare chest and Dex stops tracing the tattoo on Nursey's biceps.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Oh, I’m sorry, won’t happen again,” Dex says and tries his best to sound dead serious, “We won’t have sex next time. Noted.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>At that, Nursey’s head snaps around. “Babe.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Next time you make Louis play <em> Rude Boy  </em>at a Kegster and sing along at me, you don’t want to go to one of our rooms. I’ll remember that,” Dex shrugs and bites back a grin.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey narrows his eyes, then scoffs. “Dex, please, you wouldn’t last two weeks. Besides, half the time you're the one asking Louis to play it.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Normally, Dex would argue, maybe even challenge Nursey to a bet both of them would lose, but right now he’s calm and happy, so he lets it slide. “Probably not,” he chuckles and meets Nursey in the middle for a quick, sweet kiss. “So, what were you thinking about before I so rudely interrupted you?” Dex starts to draw patterns on Nursey’s shoulder and Nursey settles down on his chest again.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey strokes his thumb over the skin of Dex's waist. He's always even more tactile after sex and Dex loves it. “Some of my classmates said that North Quad used to be a cemetery. Or so the Samwell legends say.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex huffs out a laugh. “What, you wanna go dig around for graves?”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Chill, no. I wanna see if it’s, like, haunted, but I don’t wanna go alone," Nursey explains.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Haunted? Are the Haus ghosts not enough for you anymore?”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Oh, now you believe in them?” Nursey slots one of his legs between Dex’s and props his elbow up on the mattress, resting his chin in his palm as he shoots Dex a disbelieving look.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“No,” Dex says decidedly. “Ghosts aren’t real, Nurse.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Bet you they are.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Oh yeah? I’ll believe it when I see one.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“So you’ll come with me to North Quad?” </p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex hums and pretends to think about it for a moment, then he asks, “What’s in it for me?”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey smirks as he moves his leg further up Dex’s thigh and drags his hand from Dex’s waist down under the covers without breaking eye contact. It sends a pleasant jolt through Dex. “Whatever you want, babe.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Fine,” Dex says, like there was ever a chance of him saying no to Nursey. “When do you wanna go?”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Tonight after sunset,” Nursey decides, eyes trained on Dex’s lips.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“So we still got a few hours then. I think I got some favors to return.” Dex leans in to kiss him and pushes Nursey onto his back, straddling his hips.</p><p><br/>
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
</p><p>The frosty wind biting at his cheeks makes Dex bury his face deeper into the scarf he’s stolen from Nursey a few months ago in a sad and mostly useless attempt at escaping the weather. It definitely doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that he can’t shake the feeling that they're being watched and just barely resists the urge to turn around to check behind them for, well, <em> something. </em> </p><p><br/>
</p><p>Instead, he pulls on Nursey’s hand until he can stuff it in his coat pocket with his own.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Rationally, Dex knows he's being ridiculous. He’s been to North Quad just short of a million times over the past four years, sometimes even in the dark for morning practice or after games, but somehow it just feels different now.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>It’s almost like the vibes of the place have changed with the context of Nursey’s little impromptu ghost hunting trip.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Ugh, he really just unironically used <em> vibes  </em>to describe something. Clearly, he’s been spending too much time with Nursey. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>Except that for the past year or so he’s felt like no time they spend together is really anywhere near enough, if the embarrassing amount of times he’s zoned out in class and at work thinking about Nursey is any indication.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>
  <em> Ugh. </em>
</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex wriggles his face back out of his scarf slightly. “So, what do you expect to find? A specter? An <em>apparition</em>?” he asks with a teasing voice that definitely does not betray him as his eyes briefly skip over to the river on their left, then settle on Nursey’s profile on his right. “Mothman?”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey turns to look at Dex and bumps their shoulders together. Dex kind of loves the small smile it drags out of him. “Mothman’s from West Virginia and not even a ghost, you asshole,” Nursey grins.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>A laugh escapes Dex and the tiniest bit of tension drains from his shoulders. He squeezes Nursey’s hand in his pocket.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Then he hears a loud snap that actually sends some of the crows that were perched on the naked branches of the trees around them flying away. Either that or it’s the truly embarrassing yelp that slips out of Dex. Nursey laughs as Dex sees someone hurrying past, a stick snapped in half lying in the middle of the way.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Well, great, he’s never living this down, but he almost doesn’t mind if it means he gets to hear Nursey laugh some more.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Chill, Dex,” Nursey snickers.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex grumbles as he starts to walk again. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>His heartbeat manages to calm down after a few strides, once Nursey’s caught up to him again, but he’s almost sure the goosebumps he can feel all the way up to his neck are a permanent feature of his now.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>A comfortable silence settles over them, only filled by the crunch of snow under their boots, and Dex cherishes it. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>Obviously he loves it when he and Nursey bicker about anything they can think of, needling and teasing each other at any given moment. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>They figured out how to have civil discussions about important topics early their sophomore year, so no one bats an eye when they find them sitting at the kitchen table or on the Haus couch in the middle of a heated debate anymore. Chirps and opinions don’t lead to actual arguments all that often and when they do, those tend to get resolved pretty quickly behind closed bedroom doors. He loves that too.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>But Dex also loves the times they’re quiet, just doing their own things but still craving each other’s presence, wanting the other in their space.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey appreciates the little things in life, like a good pile of leaves or an especially delicious pie Dex stress-baked or the squirrels living in the tree in the Haus backyard that Nursey claims are definitely gay. Things that Dex wouldn't pay much attention to on his own.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>That’s probably what makes him such a great poet, Dex assumes. Not that he has a lot of knowledge or references for what makes good poetry, but Nursey occasionally reads him things he’s written, his smooth voice rising and falling with the syllables, and Dex thinks he might understand.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Despite his protests, Dex even loves it when Nursey throws facts he's learned over the day at him at two in the morning when he’s just started to drift off to sleep with Nursey wrapped around him.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey's clumsiness that drove Dex crazy their freshman year now leaves him feeling fond. The mild cases of knocking over a glass of water or bumping into things or tripping over his own two feet, at least. Without Nursey banging around in the background, Dex's room has started to feel… empty, too quiet, like something important is missing.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex loves it when Nursey brings him his favorite coffee to the computer lab between classes, loves it when Nursey smiles at him like he's the best thing Nursey's ever seen after soft kisses, loves Nursey's passionate ramblings about books Dex has never read or even heard of, loves Nursey— <em>oh</em>.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Oh. Dex loves Nursey. Dex is <em> in love  </em>with Nursey. Dex kind of wants to grow old with Nursey by his side in a nice house somewhere near Boston or New York with a dog and a cat.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>The realization nestles itself in his chest, slotting in between his ribs like the last piece in a puzzle. It makes him smile into his scarf and squeeze Nursey’s hand in his pocket again.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>He's not going to say that to Nursey while they're walking across a potentially haunted—ghosts still definitely aren't real—park on campus, though. Nursey, not-so-secret romantic that he is, deserves a gesture.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Loud rustling from the bushes near them pulls Dex out of his thoughts before he can think about just what kind of gesture—and potential baked goods, Bitty really has done a number on him—would be appropriate and he immediately tenses up again.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey starts to slip his hand out of Dex’s, but Dex tightens his grip. "Don't even think about letting my hand go, dude," he hisses.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>"Calm down, babe," Nursey chuckles, but he returns his hand to its rightful place curled around Dex’s. "I was just trying to take my phone out of my pocket to get a picture of those dope deer near that bush, <em>dude</em>."</p><p><br/>
</p><p>When he looks over, Dex does spot three deer, probably still fawns, staring back at them in a way that reminds him a little too much of the horror movies Nursey made them watch for Frog <em> and  </em>date movie nights, unblinking and unmoving. He huffs and looks away.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>"Babe, are you scared?" Nursey asks, his voice equal parts amusement and genuine concern somehow.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex hesitates and he knows that pretty much gives him away, but there’s no way in Hell he's going to admit that. "No,” he says weakly.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>"You literally have a death grip on my hand, Dex," Nursey deadpans.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“No, I don’t,” Dex mutters quickly into his scarf and allows circulation back into Nursey’s fingers.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>The fawns are gone before Dex even moves his feet to keep going.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey slowly looks around from the lecture halls on their left all the way across the Quad to Faber’s dark outline on their right and Dex manages to relax a little. His shoulders drop, he feels less like he’s being watched with every step they take and if he ignores the wind that’s still whipping around them mercilessly, he could even fool himself into thinking he was just on another quiet and romantic walk with his boyfriend.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Of course that’s when Nursey decides to pull him down onto a bench—metal, great—just past the dumpsters of the History building. “We should sit down,” he says as if that makes perfect sense, “like in the shows.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex huffs as he regretfully pulls their hands out of his pocket without letting go and drops down, pressing against Nursey from their shoulders to their legs, and rests his head on Nursey’s shoulder. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>He knows what Nursey’s talking about; they've binged bad ghost hunting shows together in one of their rooms on a laptop propped up on both their thighs a few times. Dex has never really paid attention, though, always much more interested in finding new ways of distracting Nursey and effectively cutting their marathon short for the night. So far he’s undefeated.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>As he watches people in varying degrees of intoxication pass them by, he kind of wishes he was watching other people freeze their dicks off from the comfort of his bed, kissing a trail up Nursey’s neck all the way to the spot under his ear that always leads to the laptop getting slammed shut.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>He really should’ve grabbed his hat or put on a second pair of socks before they left the Haus.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex shifts his weight and realizes his ass is on its way to numb too. He grimaces as he complains, “You could’ve sent the Waffles to do this for your dibs or something.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Where’s the fun in that? What would we be doing with our Friday night otherwise, Dexy?” Nursey asks innocently and Dex knows it’s about as fake as his chill.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“There’s <em> so much </em> else we could be doing and you know it.” Dex would cross his arms, but for that he’d have to let go of Nursey’s hand and that’s just not going to happen.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Like what?” Nursey’s smirk is bait and Dex is <em> not </em> taking it.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“We could be watching a movie or playing video games. We could be hanging out with Chowder and Farmer at the volleyball house,” Dex counts off, then falls silent for a moment. “You know the Haus is actually completely empty tonight, right?” Maybe he’s going to take the bait a little bit.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Really? So the Haus is, like, our oyster,” Nursey says like he just had an epiphany and Dex wonders how exactly he managed to fall in love with him. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Fuck you,” Dex mutters, a grin spreading on his lips anyway as Nursey laughs.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>They fall silent for a moment, sitting on a freezingly cold metal bench, before Nursey starts to talk about his day. Dex is content to just listen, soaking up every detail he’s offered.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>It’s when Nursey tells him about Brad from one of his group projects being a total dick that he hears it. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>A low moan from somewhere to the right where the dumpsters are cuts through the air and Dex’s head snaps up from Nursey’s shoulder, cutting off Nursey’s rant.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Did you hear that?” Dex whispers, turning to look at Nursey when another louder moan comes, his eyebrows drawn up. Do people die behind university dumpsters? And if ghosts were real—which they aren’t—would they haunt said university dumpsters? No. Right?</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Uh, babe,” Nursey starts but he doesn’t look alarmed or excited or anything else Dex expected to see on his face. Instead, he kind of looks amused with his lips quirked up. “That’s not—”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Then Dex hears something that sounds a lot like the name <em> Jason </em> and it dawns on him. His eyebrows shift to a deep, incredulous frown and his cheeks heat up in embarrassment.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“What the fuck,” he hisses into the space between them. “It’s literally the middle of November. It’s <em>freezing</em>.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey laughs loudly and the noises stop abruptly. “And a Friday night.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“It’s the dumpsters, Nursey. In November.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey’s one-sided shrug jostles Dex a little as he sighs. “Guess now we know North Quad is only haunted by horny college students.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Sorry this didn’t work out for you,” Dex says sincerely and squeezes Nursey’s hand as he gets up, “but can we go home? I'm cold and my ass is numb.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Oh, I can help with that.” Nursey smirks and jumps up off the bench.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>They’ve made it to the bridge just past the gym when Nursey suddenly lets out a sharp laugh that Dex can see in the cold. “I still can’t believe you got scared by some people having sex behind the dumpsters.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex scowls at him and knocks into his shoulder hard enough to make him tumble a little. “Fuck off or I’m keeping my clothes on when we get back.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>It’s almost funny to Dex how Nursey’s eyes go wide. “Wait, you were serious about the Haus being completely empty?”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“‘Course I was,” Dex says with a nod and he’s sure Nursey can see the glint in his eyes as he picks up his pace. “Chowder is at Farmer’s and the Taddies are out doing whatever.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>They make it back in record time.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em> +i. august 2023  </em>
</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey’s still grinning when he steps into their apartment.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>He barely makes it out of his shoes and coat before he feels Fishbait snake through his legs and rub her head against his calf. He’s going to have to clean her gray fur off his black slacks later, but that’s future Nursey’s problem. Present Nursey thinks <em> fuck it, there’s cat hair everywhere anyway </em> and crouches down.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Fishbait drops to the floor and rolls onto her back and Nursey starts rubbing up and down her belly. She starts to purr loudly as Nursey smiles fondly down at her.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Sup, Baitster,” he croons as she squirms around happily. He sniffs the air and a weirdly familiar smell that tugs at his heart for some reason fills his nose. “Do you know what your dad’s cooking in the kitchen?”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey drags his fingers through the white spot in her fur slowly when Fishbait suddenly digs her claws into his hand and bites down on his thumb.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Ow!” Nursey rips his hand back. He stands back up and frowns down at Fishbait as she licks her paws. “Traitor,” he mutters and, after another pointed look that she ignores, stalks off toward the kitchen.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>He finds Dex standing in front of the stove, stirring something in a pot. He’s wearing his good pair of pants, the one that hugs his ass just right and stretches across his thighs beautifully. For some reason, Dex can’t seem to keep them on for a long time when Nursey’s home. Nursey also thinks the shirt Dex has on used to be his before they moved in together three years ago. He definitely didn’t wear any of this before Nursey left or else he actually might have been late to the meeting with his editor.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>With a pleased smile, Nursey walks past the kitchen island and comes up behind Dex. He wraps his arms around Dex’s waist and rests his forehead against Dex’s neck. He smells like he’s just stepped out of the shower. “Hey, babe.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Hey. How’d it go with Clare?” Dex asks.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey’s grin from earlier comes back, the one that stuck with him from the second he stepped out of Clare’s office all the way until he got back to the apartment. “Really well, actually. She loved the changes and we went over concepts for the cover.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Oh yeah?”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey hums. “‘S gonna be really pretty,” he says and kisses whatever skin he finds. He revels in the small shiver when he noses at Dex’s hairline, in the fact that he still has that effect on him after seven years—he hopes it stays that way forever, if he’s being honest—before moving his head over Dex’s shoulder to peek into the pot.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>It hits him then, why the smell is so familiar. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>“That looks like the stew my mama and I used to make,” Nursey says, a little surprised. “She always said it was her family’s own recipe from Cuba.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“It is,” Dex confirms. “I called your moms to get it.” He nods to the side and sure enough, there’s Dex’s laptop, still open but turned off already, sitting on the counter.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey smiles and presses a kiss to the side of Dex’s neck.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>The smell makes him think back to being five years old and watching his mama cut the vegetables from the kitchen counter she sat him on. He thinks about falling in love with literature—poetry in particular—as he listened to her recite her favorite poems, her voice rising and falling with the syllables. Thinks about his mama sprinkling in Spanish lessons until he could confidently nestle it among English and the Portuguese he’s picked up from his dad. Thinks about the tears in her eyes when she saw the dedication in his first published poetry collection—<em>For Mama. Thank you for the stew and the Spanish lessons in our kitchen. I love you. </em></p><p><br/>
</p><p>It smells like home, like love.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Thank you,” Nursey says into Dex’s skin. “I haven’t had this in so long.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Well, I actually had to call them a couple of times because I’ve done some test runs of this and they did <em> not </em> go well,” Dex confesses, cringing a little.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“What’d they say?” His moms really love Dex, but they’d never pass up an opportunity to chirp him.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Gabriella told me to add more of the spices than I think I should,” Dex chuckles, “and Lucille laughed at me when I fucked it up.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Sounds like them,” Nursey laughs. He takes a moment just to breathe, the smell of the stew mixing with Dex’s. His old home mixing with his new one. “I love you so much.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex turns around in Nursey’s arms, rests his own on Nursey’s shoulders, and kisses him on the lips, finally. “I love you too.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey grins in a way he’s sure is lovestruck and fine-worthy—even years after graduation, their friends keep up the Sin Bin shenanigans and the chirps, and Nursey lives for it—and leans in for another kiss. “I should go change. I feel overdressed.” He kisses Dex once more, just because he wants to, before he steps away. He drags his index finger along the waistband of Dex’s pants as he leaves.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>When he returns to the kitchen in a pair of Dex’s shorts and an old Samwell shirt, Dex has prepared two bowls of stew on the counter. And there’s a heart-shaped pie that definitely wasn’t there before sitting on the stovetop next to two dessert forks. Nursey eyes it curiously as he asks, “Where’d that come from?”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“The oven,” Dex deadpans and when Nursey moves to dig a fork into it, he catches his wrist. “It’s hot.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey pouts and grabs a bowl and spoon instead. “Where’d you get that tin?”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Shrugging, Dex takes the other bowl. “Bitty lent it to me when we visited last time.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey stops short, full spoon in the air in front of his mouth. “But that was, like, for the Fourth of July.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Yup,” Dex replies into his bowl as his ears turn red.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“You really deprived Jack of all the heart pies Bitty could’ve made in the last eight weeks,” Nursey says, raising an eyebrow. He knows Bitty, that’s at least one pie a day.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“He’s gonna get it back when we see them for Labor Day next week, he’ll be fine,” Dex defends. “Besides, you think Bitty only has one of those?”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>There’s no doubt in Nursey’s mind that Bitty has stocked up on pie tins in every shape he could get his hands on. He grins. “I bet he has all kinds of shapes.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex narrows his eyes at him and Nursey’s grin widens. “What are you thinking?”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“A phallic pie tin.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“You wanna eat a—” Nursey can pinpoint the exact moment realization hits Dex by the way he stops frowning, sighs, and rolls his eyes. “Jesus, Nurse, you’re twenty-seven,” Dex says and Nursey cackles.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Satisfied with his joke, he digs into Dex’s cooking and only barely manages to keep his noises to a minimal level of obscenity. “Babe, this is amazing. Like, insanely good,” he praises with his mouth still full.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex smiles around his spoonful and blushes. They’ve known each other for almost ten years now and Dex is still a little awkward with compliments, but that’s fine, Nursey loves it. Loves him. “Thanks,” Dex mutters, “Glad you like it.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“You gotta make this more often now.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Sure,” Dex says, “Gabriella wants to try it next time they come visit anyway.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Silence settles over them as they eat, and Nursey even goes back for seconds. It’s not like he’s on a nutrition plan anymore and it’s actually pretty close to his mama’s version, so sue him.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>When they’re done piling their bowls and spoons into the dishwasher, Nursey crowds Dex against the counter, a hand on either side of him. “Thanks for dinner,” he hums against Dex’s lips.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Anytime.” Dex leans in and kisses him, slow and deep, his hands slipping to his lower back and under his shirt to touch the skin there. Nursey kind of feels like he’s going to melt into a big puddle on their kitchen floor any moment now. Dex pulls away again way too soon, though, and looks him in the eyes as he asks, “Wanna watch a movie?”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey’s actually been thinking about dragging Dex off to their bedroom ever since he spotted the pants.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>As if he’s sensing Nursey’s thoughts, Dex takes one hand out of Nursey’s shirt and pulls the pie tin over without looking away from him. “We can eat the pie in front of the TV. It’s rhubarb. And your moms sent a fancy bottle of wine we could kill.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Really, how can Nursey say no to his favorite kind of pie made by his favorite person and expensive wine? Their bedroom will still be there in two hours. He leans in for another kiss or three, then hums. “Alright. What’re we watching?”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Pacific Rim?”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Hell yeah,” Nursey grins, pecks Dex’s lips again, quickly grabs the pie tin from behind Dex and the two forks before heading toward their living room.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>They settle on the couch—Dex is pretty adamant that Nursey sit on the left side, for some reason—with the pie in Nursey’s lap and two filled wine glasses on the coffee table.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Remember when we first watched this movie together?” Dex asks as Raleigh starts his monologue.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey hums and rests his head on Dex’s shoulder. “Yeah. I think that was the first time we really, like, bonded.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“You were the second person I’ve ever come out to,” Dex says quietly. “It was so scary.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“I get it,” Nursey mutters into his shoulder and places a kiss on his shirt sleeve.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey smiles at the memory of them squeezing into Dex’s horrible dorm twin bed, shoulders brushing and dozing off together toward the end of the movie.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Now look at us,” Dex says and takes Nursey’s hand, stroking his thumb over Nursey’s.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Best couple.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex chuckles and Nursey’s heart grows a few sizes, like he’s twenty again, sitting in Dex’s basement at the Haus. He starts digging into the pie with his free hand, offering every second bite to Dex.</p><p><br/>
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey wipes away a few tears from the corners of his eyes when Mako and Raleigh embrace on screen and Dex leans forward to set the empty pie tin down on the table. “Babe, we’re totally drift-compatible,” Nursey sniffles as Dex leans back and the movie credits start to roll.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex turns to sit sideways on the couch with one leg tucked under the thigh of the other. He smiles at Nursey as he says, “Yeah.” Then he kisses Nursey once, nearly not long enough in Nursey’s opinion but so incredibly softly, and starts fiddling with the hem of his shirt once he’s pulled back. “I love you.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey huffs a laugh. “I love you too.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex’s features soften as he reaches out to take Nursey’s hand into his own again. “Remember the summer after our first year of grad school when we both had internships in New York? And it was mostly just us at your house because your moms were on vacation?” </p><p><br/>
</p><p>He remembers that well, actually. They went to different schools a couple of hours apart that forced them into long-distance. As much as Nursey complained about it then, he was still happy to have Dex at all. Weekend visits and FaceTime were better than nothing, he kept telling himself.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>But then both of them managed to get good internships in New York over the summer. Nursey didn’t even need to do much convincing at all to get Dex to agree to just live with him in his childhood home while his moms were gone for most of that time, on vacation somewhere on the West Coast. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>Honestly, the best part of it was having Dex all to himself. It was like they were ten or twenty years in the future, with stable real adult jobs and a house and coming home back to each other every day.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Yeah. it was nice to live together again.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Yeah,” Dex agrees, “Halfway through the first week of coming back after our work days, getting dinner together and falling asleep in front of the TV more often than not, I realized that that’s right where I want to be for the rest of my life.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey smiles and his heartbeat speeds up just a little. He’s read enough romance novels and heard enough of their friends’ stories to know where this is going—not that he minds, they’ve talked about the possibility of getting married, on quiet nights and after each of their friends’ weddings. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex starts to stroke his thumb over Nursey’s as he takes a deep breath. “I don’t mean the brownstone or even necessarily New York. I mean with you. At the end of the day, I want to be with you, cooking together after work while you tell me about your day, on the couch with you while you can’t stop commenting on whatever we’re watching, in bed when you read your favorite passages of whatever book you’re into out loud to me.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex’s thumb stills then. He squeezes Nursey’s hand once and Nursey squeezes right back.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“I want to buy a house and get a dog that you can’t name anything ridiculous like Fishbait with you. I want to find the first gray hairs in the bathroom with you by my side. I want to wake up to you being grumpy and hogging all our blankets. I want to roll my eyes but laugh at your stupid dick jokes at forty-three. I want to love you at eighty-five like I do at twenty-seven.” Dex swallows.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey laughs weakly and tips his head back as his nose starts to tingle and his eyes burn. All of those things sound exactly like what Nursey’s ever dreamed of from the moment his mama recited the first love poem in their kitchen twenty-two years ago. Just the thought of them makes him impatient, makes him want so desperately to jump ahead in time and just get to experience them already. He wouldn’t want to miss a second with Dex on the way there, though.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“I want to come home to you for the rest of my life,” Dex finishes and his voice cracks just a little at the end.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Before Nursey can mutter a soft <em>same</em>, he has to swallow the lump in his throat.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Then Dex reaches behind the cushion next to him and pulls out a small black box. “I love you so fucking much and I know that’s never going to change.” He gets up and drops down on one knee, awkwardly sandwiched between the couch and their coffee table. It’s perfect.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex clears his throat and opens the little velvet box, revealing a simple but beautiful silver band inside. With a steady voice that sounds like he’s never been more sure of anything in his life—and Nursey thinks maybe he hasn’t been—he asks, “Derek Malik Nurse, will you marry me?”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>It hits Nursey how long Dex must’ve been planning this for. The pie tin from almost two months ago, calling his moms and cooking his mama’s stew over and over again until he deemed it good enough, suggesting the movie they watched for the first time when their friendship finally started to solidify, the shower and the clothes that are definitely way fancier than anything he’s ever worn on a day off. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey would bet his next book’s advance that Dex spent at least a week trying to find the right words too, sitting at his desk or at the island in the kitchen, hunched over a notepad with that focused frown between his eyes from college that he hasn't quite managed to get rid of, surrounded by dozens of balled up variations.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>God, he’s so in love with him. He can’t wait to have this forever.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Uh, Derek?” Dex mutters, still on the floor with the ring box held up, panic slowly seeping into his expression, and Nursey realizes he’s just been gaping at Dex for entirely too long.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Fuck, sorry,” Nursey says, then clears his throat, “of course, yes, I’ll marry you, fuck, Will.” </p><p><br/>
</p><p>He jumps off the couch immediately and pulls Dex up by his hand. When he’s finally standing, Nursey cups Dex’s face with his hands and pulls him in for a kiss, once, twice, three times. Dex wastes no time wrapping his arms around Nursey’s waist and Nursey can feel the box digging into his side, but he really doesn’t care about anything else but Dex, his <em>fiancé</em>, right now.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Once Nursey manages to break away, he drops back down on the couch and pulls Dex into his lap. Dex takes his hand, flicks open the box again, and slips the ring onto Nursey’s finger.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey takes a moment to admire how it looks, moves his hand around between their chests and watches the light reflect off of it. Then his eyes find Dex’s again as he drops his hands to Dex’s hips. “I love you so goddamn much, William Jacob Poindexter,” he whispers.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex links his arms behind Nursey’s neck and presses his smile into Nursey’s mouth and Nursey can’t imagine a time when he’ll be willing to actually stop kissing his fiancé. God, his<em> fiancé</em>. That’s gonna take some time to get used to.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“God, I can’t wait to call you my husband at work,” Dex says against his lips. “No, Jessica.” Kiss. “I’m not going—” Kiss.  “—to your fucking baby shower.” Kiss. “My <em>husband</em>—” Kiss. “—has a book signing.” Kiss.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey chuckles and slips his fingers under Dex’s shirt, softly stroking over the warm skin. “So, are our invitations gonna have our actual names or our hockey nicknames like Rans and Holster did?”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex hums, then frowns. Six years of dating and Nursey still thinks it’s cute. “No one calls us by our actual names unless we’re, like, in trouble.” Nursey laughs at the thought of Bitty still having the kind of authority—and using it—over them that a <em> Derek Malik Nurse </em>  or a  <em> William Jacob Poindexter </em> from him puts the fear of God into the both of them at twenty-seven. “And it feels weird to not call you Nursey.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey smirks and leans into Dex’s space. “That’s not what you said last night.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Fuck you,” Dex says and rolls his eyes, but he kisses Nursey anyway.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Also, you’re gonna stay far away from the playlist. We’re not playing dad rock at our wedding.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex pulls away a little. “I don’t listen to dad rock, asshole.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Don’t front, Dex, I’ve seen you cry over that one Springsteen song. Multiple times.” Nursey raises an eyebrow in a silent challenge and Dex huffs.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“You can’t prove anything,” Dex grumbles and Nursey laughs into their next kiss.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“I love you despite your dad rock, William Nurse.” When Dex scrunches up his face, Nursey offers, “Or maybe Derek Poindexter? Are we gonna hyphenate?”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex moves forward again until their chests are pressed together and rests his chin on Nursey’s shoulder. “I actually like the sound of William Nurse,” he says.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey does too, if he’s honest. But he’s not opposed to Derek Poindexter either. Or even Nurse-Poindexter, even if that’s a mouthful. In the end, Nursey doesn’t care what name they settle on as long as he gets to marry Dex.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“I want a summer wedding,” Nursey declares, tightens his grip on Dex and rests their heads together. “With a fuckton of flowers and an outside venue.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Dex chuckles. “Sure, whatever you want, babe.” He’s quiet for a moment—Nursey can almost feel him thinking—before he says, “I think I want to invite my family.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Really?” Nursey asks, surprised. He remembers when Dex came out to them shortly before college graduation, and he remembers the hurt on Dex’s face when he saw the empty chairs in the crowd where his parents should’ve been sitting and he remembers the long period of radio silence between Dex and his family that followed, until his parents got divorced a few years ago. His mom and brother are trying to make an effort now, though, it seems. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Yeah, well. My mom and my brother at least. It’s not like I’ve even talked to my dad since the divorce.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Nursey turns his head to press a kiss against Dex’s temple. “Alright, sure, we can invite them.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>They’re in no rush to plan this wedding, anyway, and Nursey is pretty sure there are several people that would be upset if they excluded them from the planning part.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>For now, they can just enjoy the moment, in each other’s arms with occasional kisses, and it’s enough. They’ve been choosing each other since freshman year of college and Nursey knows they’ll never stop.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>They have all the time in the world.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>trigger warnings for the homophobia:<br/>in the second segment, dex thinks about how his family has said homophobic slurs all his life and gets a text from his dad that hints at a slur. he talks to nursey about it who, in turn, opens up about getting outed at andover. the f slur is used once</p><p>thanks for reading! find me on <a href="https://tangrine.tumblr.com/">tumblr</a> and talk to me about check please!</p><p>it was So hard to pick just six scenes so i might fuck around and make this into a series and write the scenes that sadly didn't make it?? maybe??</p><p>this fic is the result of me going through the entire extra content ngozi had to offer, finding <a href="https://omgcheckplease.tumblr.com/post/103593165012">this post</a> that mentions dex, nursey, and drift compatibility in the same sentence as well as north quad having been a graveyard, <a href="https://omgcheckplease.tumblr.com/post/152947118727">this post</a> featuring dex's angry first baking attempts, and <a href="https://omgcheckplease.tumblr.com/post/175043249447">this post</a> mentioning the new addendum to the bylaws that i'm 100% sure dex appreciates in his senior year</p><p>i never knew how hard it is to write proposal speeches.....wow.......</p><p>anyway! see ya next time</p><p>EDIT: find me on my <a href="https://hashtagdex.tumblr.com">omgcp sideblog</a> on tumblr now!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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